BLAST FROM THE PAST

Wrote this about a year and a half ago. How I used to feel when it came to my "crush of the week." Man I was a sad lil guy in high school.

Women man...you stare and you stare and you stare...and the whole time you're looking, all these words float around in your head. Witty comments, designed to make her laugh. Words to open up a conversation, with the end goal being a phone number, or for her to say, in all seriousness "we should hang out sometime," in truth, the end goal is to move your chess piece one space forward, to take her queen. It's hidden behind your eyes, you want her, but your face is nothing but a creepy mask. When she as a friend hugs you, you wish her touch to linger longer than accepted. you want her arm to brush against your arm, send shivers down the spine. Women man...but you see how they shy away from your touch. You want to reach out to them...but they want nothing to do with you. You are not the one they want, and you know it, and yet you keep on trying. It doesn't matter if you were lucky before, of never before, you want the embrace of that girl...her lips grazing your cheek, tracing a fine red line, as if from a blade. You can't have her, and this upsets you. Fills your brain full of rage and fantasies. Women man...so what do you do? You do nothing. You do not reach out and touch her arm, you don't open your mouth to speak to her, you want to, but you won't. I know why. You're afraid, you're afraid of embarrassment. You know when you do try to speak, you will fuck up your words. Your face will turn red, and sweat shall tickle your neck. You'll build up the negatives in your mind, you'll build up the rejection to such a degree, you quit before anything happens, before she even says "hello." You trick your self into believing there is nothing there. You don't know if you're right, you'll never know. You'll avoid any chance with her, or any woman...you are weak.