So a few weeks ago, I went out to lunch with Suzy and Noah. And by that I mean I drank water an watched them eat. After lunch at Chan's we went on a walk to the pier. Just the three of us, talking. I really liked it. Anyway, on our walk down the the beach, Suzy and Noah started talking about their favorite songs.
Noah said he loves "tom's diner" that song reminds me of elementary school, riding around with the family in dad's convertable.
That's his favorite song. I miss how close we were then.
But I digress.
Suzy then asked me what my favorite song was. Like my life long favorite, not my current infatuation.
And I was, stunned. I had no clue.
So I've been thinking about it all this time.
I've come up with a small handful of songs. Idk which tho:
"Jenny Says" by Cowboy mouth. This used to be Christine and dad's favorite song, when Christine was really little, dad used to sit her on his lap and sing it with her. Fuck I might be exaggerating tha scenario a bit. But they did sing it together.
It's making me tear up thinking about it. I really do miss how close our family was.
"Chicago" by Sufjan Stevens. It's the most recent song on this list (as of the initial drafting of this post) but I've been listening to it near religiously since October or november. It's bittersweet to listen to it now. Because Kayla put it on a mix cd for me. So everytime I listen to it now. I get sad and nostalgic. But it also reminds me of all my late night drives to and from ann arbor. Those were my favorite. I loved driving at night. Just me and my shitty stereo that would warp my CDs after too many listenings. I miss that feeling of driving somewhere for a happy reunion with a girl I love. Just darkness on top of darkness for hours on end while i drove and sang along horribly to my CDs. It's a happy thought, don't let the syntax fool you :)
"Me-I" Tv On The Radio. I found this song on a free album download from [adult swim]. It was called world wide renewal project and featured indie rap artists and some experimental stuff. But this was my first taste of TVOTR. It's such a calm song. And I never grow tired of it. I can listen to it on repeat for ages. I figure the reason identify with the song so much is that it just reminds me of me. The lead singer sings over and over again "where I can dream and dream and never have to wake up" and that's me. I'm just a damned dreamer. Let's get cliche shall we? I want and strive for so much, but they're all dreams. As much as I don't want to admit it, I have a strong suspicion I won't ever accomplish half the things I dreampt I'll do. But this song makes me happy. It's so optimistic too. Watch the video on YouTube. You can't help but smile.
Or maybe you won't smile. Idk. I'm probably just fucked up.
But that's not new now is it?
I hope this weekend will be fun. Kayla said she actually wants to make time and hang out.
Guilty conscience? Or she just feel safe hanging out with me and her St Joe friends now that her boy is out of town?
There's 10,000 things I want to say and scream, but I'll never let it happen.
I'm going to listen to "bulletproof" by la roux and go to sleep now.
They can't see me weak. It'll only strengthen their sympathy and loathing.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Huzzah! Success!
Bout to head out the door for day two of work.
First day went really well.
Essentially I'll be working in data clean up this summer. So it's all computer work. 50 hours a week. At $9 an hour. I'm thrilled :) I actually understand majority of my tasks assigned so far. And I'm sure as I become more familiar with the project I'll understand the rest. I'm really looking forward to this summer so far. Soon, I'll have my own air mattress and won't have to sleep on the floor! But it's not that bad.
I'm going to the gym every morning at five and running every evening after work. Turnin things around. Better body in the works. Money in my pocket soon enough. Healthier mindset already. Of course I'll still be pale as all get out, thx to the ten hour days I'll be putting in.
But I'm excited. I like wearing these dress shirts and slacks. I feel all proper and legit.
The culture @ Haworth isn't horrible either. I guess my only experience with business culture was Office Space and the few times I've visited dad at work. The people there are pretty cool. All nice.
I just know I wouldn't want to make it my career.
First day went really well.
Essentially I'll be working in data clean up this summer. So it's all computer work. 50 hours a week. At $9 an hour. I'm thrilled :) I actually understand majority of my tasks assigned so far. And I'm sure as I become more familiar with the project I'll understand the rest. I'm really looking forward to this summer so far. Soon, I'll have my own air mattress and won't have to sleep on the floor! But it's not that bad.
I'm going to the gym every morning at five and running every evening after work. Turnin things around. Better body in the works. Money in my pocket soon enough. Healthier mindset already. Of course I'll still be pale as all get out, thx to the ten hour days I'll be putting in.
But I'm excited. I like wearing these dress shirts and slacks. I feel all proper and legit.
The culture @ Haworth isn't horrible either. I guess my only experience with business culture was Office Space and the few times I've visited dad at work. The people there are pretty cool. All nice.
I just know I wouldn't want to make it my career.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Worky work.
First day in like 6 hours. So nervous.
I hope i can survive this corporate culture.
I hope I can survive this summer with my dad.
It's like I'm a guest in some ones house that I don't know all to well. Which is fucking depressing and sad as hell.
I miss hanging out with my dad. I hope this summer will bring us closer to somesort of typical father-son relationship. Whatever that maybe. Hopefully something functional.
I hope this summer is good to us both.
In other news: def enjoy hanging with Noah and company: Suzy, Annalise, Elizabeth and the like. They're really laid back chill people. There is no urge amongst them to be the dominate member of the group, like there was with AJ, or Jared, or Jesse. And even tho I was the only straight one there...with the possibility of elizabeth, iunno where she falls...I felt right at home. Comfortable. I'll miss hanging with them. I wish Kayla was chilling with us last night. Cause they're her friends too. Hell she knew Suzy and Annalise (maybe) before I did. But it was just like, idk, like I didn't want to be that one guy who invites his ex to hang out, in a seemingly desperate play to make her realize he's all good. Fuck idk. Next time I'm in town and we're all together, I'll drop her a line. I miss hanging out with Kayla. She's a cool cat. But she might be here tomorrow. To hang with Kayleen. And I might hang out with them, if they want. That'll be pretty cool.
But yeah, Saturday was pretty awethome. The lot of us just chilled at Suzy's house for hours, talking bout life and all that. It wasn't a super deep, personal pow-wow, but it wasn't superficial. I enjoyed myself.
On a side note. I think I like Suzy. Which is completely ridiculous. Talk about wanting what you can't have. She's gay for Christ's sake. Lol oh alex you silly bastard.
I'm going to try and sleep now. On the floor. With these tiny fleece blankets. Christine swore there were legit blankets here. And I can't buy an air matress untill I get paid in a couple weeks. So uh yeah, hello sore back and stiff neck.
:P
I hope i can survive this corporate culture.
I hope I can survive this summer with my dad.
It's like I'm a guest in some ones house that I don't know all to well. Which is fucking depressing and sad as hell.
I miss hanging out with my dad. I hope this summer will bring us closer to somesort of typical father-son relationship. Whatever that maybe. Hopefully something functional.
I hope this summer is good to us both.
In other news: def enjoy hanging with Noah and company: Suzy, Annalise, Elizabeth and the like. They're really laid back chill people. There is no urge amongst them to be the dominate member of the group, like there was with AJ, or Jared, or Jesse. And even tho I was the only straight one there...with the possibility of elizabeth, iunno where she falls...I felt right at home. Comfortable. I'll miss hanging with them. I wish Kayla was chilling with us last night. Cause they're her friends too. Hell she knew Suzy and Annalise (maybe) before I did. But it was just like, idk, like I didn't want to be that one guy who invites his ex to hang out, in a seemingly desperate play to make her realize he's all good. Fuck idk. Next time I'm in town and we're all together, I'll drop her a line. I miss hanging out with Kayla. She's a cool cat. But she might be here tomorrow. To hang with Kayleen. And I might hang out with them, if they want. That'll be pretty cool.
But yeah, Saturday was pretty awethome. The lot of us just chilled at Suzy's house for hours, talking bout life and all that. It wasn't a super deep, personal pow-wow, but it wasn't superficial. I enjoyed myself.
On a side note. I think I like Suzy. Which is completely ridiculous. Talk about wanting what you can't have. She's gay for Christ's sake. Lol oh alex you silly bastard.
I'm going to try and sleep now. On the floor. With these tiny fleece blankets. Christine swore there were legit blankets here. And I can't buy an air matress untill I get paid in a couple weeks. So uh yeah, hello sore back and stiff neck.
:P
Hello Holland
Well tomorrow is my first day on the job @ Haworth. So friggin' nervous. I'm sure it'll be fine. It's been over a year since I've held a legit job, and I've never done anything like what I'll be doing for Haworth. Like a real 9-5 job. That's crazy. But it'll give me a taste of the corporate world. Which will jumpstart my ass into finding work that I'll love and therefore avoid said corporate culture.
Fuck so nervous. I hope I can sleep. I've been doing well the past couple nights. Ironically, the night I posted the previous blog about not being able to have "real" sleep, I was out like a log. It was crazy good. And last night was a good sleep too. Unless they were both the same night, and I'm just mixing them up. I don't know, I can't keep track of days. Even on my medication...
I still like it when Kayla calls me...it makes me feel good. Probably more then it should, but I don't care.
I can see why she's upset that I called John a dog. But I don't regret what I've said. Life is difficult enough as it is, w/ out regretting shit. So I don't. Really hope that doesn't put a wrench in things.
I'm glad I can still talk to Kayla and shit. I really do wanna be her best friend, or what have you. Although, to be honest, the conversations we have on the phone are kinda sketchy, cause she always ends them at weird times. Like last night, she literally ended it mid sentence. Which was a shame, cause I was really intrigued in what she was talking about (Ryan R is looking for a roommate for next fall in Ann Arbor)
But it's getting easier. Like I've fully accepted the fact she's moved on. Which is damned good. She looks happy w/ him. So power to them. I'd toast them if I drank with them.
Tonight was my last night here in Baroda for a while. So I spent it with Misha, Annalise, and Noah, and Elizabeth Driscoll. They're all cool legit people. Like no joke about it. Idk, I feel calm and relaxed when I'm with them. I don't say much, which is no surprise if you know me. Takes me a while to warm up to people and converse and shit with them. But it was really relaxing and cool.
It looks like Kayla is trying to get to Holland come Monday to hang out with her bestie Kayleen. Hope I spelled that right. Anyway, she mentioned something about me hanging with them. Maybe I will. I'll see what it's like hanging out with Kayla now that she's my friend. And now that I'm sober.
I really really hope my parents don't read this blog. Nothing in their behavior or conversations with me have led me to believe this to be the case. But you never know.
I say that because: I really miss pills. It's so hard to not just instinctively grab for a Vicodin or Ambien when I'm in a social setting. But I figure I have to quit, to guarantee my job. And besides, chemically dependencies are for the weak spirited. And me?
I'm one tough motherfucker. I don't need to go crawling to any pills or anything to make me feel good.
I'm just excited to get out of SWMI for the summer. It's a real drag. I'm also pumped for the fall. Going to get my own apartment...or maybe a two bedroom w/ Ryan P. If he still needs a roommate.
I think I won't be coming home next weekend. I'm going to try and grab a train out to Ann Arbor to chill with Neil and them. We'll see. there's a party going down for Ryan's girlfriend. It's her birthday. So that could be fun. If I get a legit invite that is. I don't wanna be "that" guy, that shows up at the party as a friend of a friend. That's weird.
Who knows.
Damn I'm so tired. But hungry. But my stomach is also upset. That's so weird to have an upset and hungry tummy at the same time.
I'm going to bed.
Fuck so nervous. I hope I can sleep. I've been doing well the past couple nights. Ironically, the night I posted the previous blog about not being able to have "real" sleep, I was out like a log. It was crazy good. And last night was a good sleep too. Unless they were both the same night, and I'm just mixing them up. I don't know, I can't keep track of days. Even on my medication...
I still like it when Kayla calls me...it makes me feel good. Probably more then it should, but I don't care.
I can see why she's upset that I called John a dog. But I don't regret what I've said. Life is difficult enough as it is, w/ out regretting shit. So I don't. Really hope that doesn't put a wrench in things.
I'm glad I can still talk to Kayla and shit. I really do wanna be her best friend, or what have you. Although, to be honest, the conversations we have on the phone are kinda sketchy, cause she always ends them at weird times. Like last night, she literally ended it mid sentence. Which was a shame, cause I was really intrigued in what she was talking about (Ryan R is looking for a roommate for next fall in Ann Arbor)
But it's getting easier. Like I've fully accepted the fact she's moved on. Which is damned good. She looks happy w/ him. So power to them. I'd toast them if I drank with them.
Tonight was my last night here in Baroda for a while. So I spent it with Misha, Annalise, and Noah, and Elizabeth Driscoll. They're all cool legit people. Like no joke about it. Idk, I feel calm and relaxed when I'm with them. I don't say much, which is no surprise if you know me. Takes me a while to warm up to people and converse and shit with them. But it was really relaxing and cool.
It looks like Kayla is trying to get to Holland come Monday to hang out with her bestie Kayleen. Hope I spelled that right. Anyway, she mentioned something about me hanging with them. Maybe I will. I'll see what it's like hanging out with Kayla now that she's my friend. And now that I'm sober.
I really really hope my parents don't read this blog. Nothing in their behavior or conversations with me have led me to believe this to be the case. But you never know.
I say that because: I really miss pills. It's so hard to not just instinctively grab for a Vicodin or Ambien when I'm in a social setting. But I figure I have to quit, to guarantee my job. And besides, chemically dependencies are for the weak spirited. And me?
I'm one tough motherfucker. I don't need to go crawling to any pills or anything to make me feel good.
I'm just excited to get out of SWMI for the summer. It's a real drag. I'm also pumped for the fall. Going to get my own apartment...or maybe a two bedroom w/ Ryan P. If he still needs a roommate.
I think I won't be coming home next weekend. I'm going to try and grab a train out to Ann Arbor to chill with Neil and them. We'll see. there's a party going down for Ryan's girlfriend. It's her birthday. So that could be fun. If I get a legit invite that is. I don't wanna be "that" guy, that shows up at the party as a friend of a friend. That's weird.
Who knows.
Damn I'm so tired. But hungry. But my stomach is also upset. That's so weird to have an upset and hungry tummy at the same time.
I'm going to bed.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Sleep
I haven't had a real night of sleep in a week. I'm not saying I've been awake all this time. I'm not even sure if that's possible.
It's just been nightmares. Or semi-conscious firings in my brain.
But it's all I got. I can't get a lick of sleep on this bed. Best I can get are 30 minute naps on the couch. Anything longer then that, my head starts fucking with me.
Makes me wish Freddy Krueger was real...make all this nonsense worthwhile.
:P
It's just been nightmares. Or semi-conscious firings in my brain.
But it's all I got. I can't get a lick of sleep on this bed. Best I can get are 30 minute naps on the couch. Anything longer then that, my head starts fucking with me.
Makes me wish Freddy Krueger was real...make all this nonsense worthwhile.
:P
Just a quick post
I'm sitting here, waiting for my mom to drive me to Holland, so I can take a drug test, to go work w/ my dad for the summer. I'm still not sure how I feel about spending an entire summer with him. But that's nothing new. "Oh wow, a teen aged guy who has issues with his dad, what a surprise."
Well, at least it's money.
I spent last week at Neil and Bryces' place. It was pretty chill and cool. I felt like at the end of the visit, I was getting on their nerves. Mainly cause it's a cluttered apartment, and I slept on the couch, so I was constantly in with everyone. All well.
I'm planning on going back to Ann Arbor a couple times this summer, to see them, and hang out and such. It should be pretty cool.
Pride is end of June, I'm thinking about taking the train down from Holland, and meeting up with Noah and company, if they decide to go to Pride. That'll be fun, I enjoyed it last year.
Kayla's dating someone else. I'd be a shitty ass liar if I said I wasn't kinda bummed about it. But she's happy, so it's all good.
I've got a sore throat atm. And it's bothering the hell out of me. All well.
Hopefully my dad and I won't be butting heads all summer long. Cause I really don't think I could stay there if I did. I find it...idk, rather interesting, maybe a bit sad, that it's been well over two years since I've spent more then a weekend with him. When I think about it, it does make me rather sad that I don't spend a lot of time with him. I mean he chose to live in Holland, to go to work, so he could support the lot of us. And yet, I can hardly stand to be in the same room as him. It's not that he's a bad person. He's really cool, and what not. It's just that the decisions I've made over the past few years have disappointed him, and there's a constant tension whenever we're together. It's a shame I've made him disappointed in me.
But he has another son, who can, and is well on his way to be, the golden child.
On the other hand, I think this summer in Holland will be good for me. It's not Baroda, or Ann Arbor. So I'm not going to be haunted there.
It's ridiculous, but I can hardly sleep in my own bed now. You all really shouldn't have to wonder why.
I'm scared I won't pass this drug test. I took an ambien a couple nights ago, to help me get to sleep, and I'm afraid it'll be on the list of banned substances, which will really suck, because I would have had no idea.
Well, here's to a better tomorrow, and a forgotten yesterday, cheers
Well, at least it's money.
I spent last week at Neil and Bryces' place. It was pretty chill and cool. I felt like at the end of the visit, I was getting on their nerves. Mainly cause it's a cluttered apartment, and I slept on the couch, so I was constantly in with everyone. All well.
I'm planning on going back to Ann Arbor a couple times this summer, to see them, and hang out and such. It should be pretty cool.
Pride is end of June, I'm thinking about taking the train down from Holland, and meeting up with Noah and company, if they decide to go to Pride. That'll be fun, I enjoyed it last year.
Kayla's dating someone else. I'd be a shitty ass liar if I said I wasn't kinda bummed about it. But she's happy, so it's all good.
I've got a sore throat atm. And it's bothering the hell out of me. All well.
Hopefully my dad and I won't be butting heads all summer long. Cause I really don't think I could stay there if I did. I find it...idk, rather interesting, maybe a bit sad, that it's been well over two years since I've spent more then a weekend with him. When I think about it, it does make me rather sad that I don't spend a lot of time with him. I mean he chose to live in Holland, to go to work, so he could support the lot of us. And yet, I can hardly stand to be in the same room as him. It's not that he's a bad person. He's really cool, and what not. It's just that the decisions I've made over the past few years have disappointed him, and there's a constant tension whenever we're together. It's a shame I've made him disappointed in me.
But he has another son, who can, and is well on his way to be, the golden child.
On the other hand, I think this summer in Holland will be good for me. It's not Baroda, or Ann Arbor. So I'm not going to be haunted there.
It's ridiculous, but I can hardly sleep in my own bed now. You all really shouldn't have to wonder why.
I'm scared I won't pass this drug test. I took an ambien a couple nights ago, to help me get to sleep, and I'm afraid it'll be on the list of banned substances, which will really suck, because I would have had no idea.
Well, here's to a better tomorrow, and a forgotten yesterday, cheers
Sunday, May 9, 2010
This is a blog like no other
Disclaimer: I'm on my vyvanse and ambien. Now, I do not know if my family follows my blog. But if they do, I just want you all to know that I had the ambien, to try and sleep, but it down somewhere, got back onto my computer and started looking at photoshop tutorials. so I wanted to focus through those, and my Excel training, so i took one of my V (remind you its for ADD) and took it with a mountain dew. of course, since V don't kick in right away, and we know me, I cant keep both eyes on the same thing. so having forgotten that I had just downed the V, I popped the Ambien. And what is posted below you is what i wanted to record. I'm sure Noah would have loved to have been awaken to this tapestry of ants
Sure, it has the ironic title, but I just trust me, and I'll show you what you'll soon be looking at:
[04:39] ARL1990: Hello NOah. I apologize if this will be read awkwardly for ya. THese keys you see, they've taken on the feeling of cocobutter..and it seems my hands are now tiny revolting troll fingers. I'm working on getting the girls out of the photoshop. I keep seeing it in there eyes. Mainly so in Misha's eye. The work i'm doing here should hopfelly have a rewarding out come for us. I'll come on the scene as the new fly guy artsty man, we'll take SWMI by storm you and i. Noah as i try and try again to type this thing, i see double, and the letters and words, they don't cooperate. they're lightyears behind me and my curser. this carnivale that is in my head. it's mad fun. but distracts us from our purpose....AH! which is to let you know that i am photo manipulating under the influence. the things i'm experience are all for the fact that you WOULDN'T go down thsi path. everything i touch hurts and soothes me. my hair whispy with jagged lil lines....just like this red lines from the chocolate keyboard, that are choking my words, which are sticking my fingers in traps, which is slowing down my body. but my head is racing faster and faster with every hypnotic note of the beets in my heads. I want you to know that my sane normal senses are loosing control..but listen. I'll get these projects done i want to make you all shiny giants, seductress women of Olympus. so that's why I have to do what i have to do. they just don't want us to know that these pills that i've been "poisoning" myself with are letting me see interactions between things AI've never seen. Like my key board for example: its clearly a keyboard. but with my RXfriends the keys fluctuate under various pressures and andgles. imagine a world with full specs keyboard that has gummy buttons. because that is how these feel to me. I keep looking at the trial piece im working on here on my DESKTOP and it will be a portrait of Misha. But now...thanks to this exploration and forging of these two 21st century powerplayers these RX scripts and Adobe's PhotoShop...but now thanlks to combimning prescrpts with computers, I can see my pieces in my work, before i'm even finished
[04:39] ARL1990: they live
[04:40] ARL1990: everything lives. this wall of ants like texts lives just as my fingers type this nonsense
[04:40] ARL1990: everything is connected noah!
[04:41] ARL1990: letters becoming animals on screen, perhaps animals becoming letters on another insomniac's screen. my tongue powers the muscles in my arms
[04:42] ARL1990: but now i have to get to photoshop to try and figur out this new creation. let leash Lichtenstein via misha trux.
[04:44] ARL1990: Noah I fell I'm in dream where i escaped the looney bin, and came home. only know my home is the looney bin. I keep catching nurses trying to test me. BUT THEY DON'T GET IT. BECAUSE THEY AREN'T NURSES. THEY'RE NOT SPIRITS OR GHOSTS OR ANY ONE TRYING TO SCARE US. ITS JUST THE MOUNDS OF TECH THAT SURROUNDS MY DESKTOP STATION.YUP THAT'S WHAT IT IS. THAT AND COUPLED WITH AN OVEREAGER PERIPHERAL VISION
[04:44] ARL1990: i AM ON TO SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT WILL LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD FOR KEYBOARDERS
[04:44] ARL1990: YOU SHOULD TOUCH MY HAIR it feel so course and taught. but not greasy
[04:45] ARL1990: feels like a mans hair
[05:06] ARL1990: everything i drink taste like warm bitter, yet really rewarding. I know I'm not working in a real edit lab.so i know these intimidation men...if they are that, for some of their measurements seem otherworldly. THEY KEEP TRYING TO GET INSIDE MY LIL NEST, WHILE I TRY AND SOLVE THIS PHOTOSHOP MYSTERY. i need to know who is behind these attacks on my work. DO NOT WORRY i say do not worry about what I said bout these otherworldy people getting all in here. That I know for a fact is looney. nothing there.Just me, the author, the editor. Nothing there just a bizzare guy with an overactive imagination. combine that with your new study medications, then it's possible for some very week hallucinations.
[05:09] ARL1990: you're going to read this wall of ant type and you will be blown away by what was writtin by these ant letters. thats how i see them now. just line after line of elitist ants making words so we can all read and write TOGETHER (TO TURN THEM OVER, BUT KEEP IT ON THE DL) mY my shadows are continuation of my fingers more finger tips, more work can be done so quickly. please please please
[05:10] ARL1990: save every single letter i've typed here for this monument to me and my chemically controlled bouts of creativity.
[05:14] ARL1990: BTW I'm not mad at Kayla, or John THey each deserve a piece of my estastes. Kayla can have the spare house. John...he can have the spare trailer. We;ll find a awesome rock star trailer. blacks and purples. I DEEMAND A CAPE AND FURS TO WEAR ALONGSIDE MY GOLDS AND MEDALS. I AM KING OF MY ESTATES, its good to be king. and noah. I know i am intoxicated. but the letters look like theyre having fun being written down, like if they were all in a school, they'd b seeing this sentence structure thinnggy as a sweet ride from boring schoool
OOO Special Surprise at the end of the fable: Called: TEXT: just too her from me and no one else, I just talk bout my iphone:
A (A for Alex): Crises Averted, Iphone looks ike it was made by Fred Flinstone. BUT IN OTHER DRUGGED ARTIST news, my first real photoshopped edit job is almost done :) I'll post it to facebook for the world see it. if i think they will look good. But now, you have sleep. and now my iPhone now feels like I'm poking penguins on their heads
Sure, it has the ironic title, but I just trust me, and I'll show you what you'll soon be looking at:
[04:39] ARL1990: Hello NOah. I apologize if this will be read awkwardly for ya. THese keys you see, they've taken on the feeling of cocobutter..and it seems my hands are now tiny revolting troll fingers. I'm working on getting the girls out of the photoshop. I keep seeing it in there eyes. Mainly so in Misha's eye. The work i'm doing here should hopfelly have a rewarding out come for us. I'll come on the scene as the new fly guy artsty man, we'll take SWMI by storm you and i. Noah as i try and try again to type this thing, i see double, and the letters and words, they don't cooperate. they're lightyears behind me and my curser. this carnivale that is in my head. it's mad fun. but distracts us from our purpose....AH! which is to let you know that i am photo manipulating under the influence. the things i'm experience are all for the fact that you WOULDN'T go down thsi path. everything i touch hurts and soothes me. my hair whispy with jagged lil lines....just like this red lines from the chocolate keyboard, that are choking my words, which are sticking my fingers in traps, which is slowing down my body. but my head is racing faster and faster with every hypnotic note of the beets in my heads. I want you to know that my sane normal senses are loosing control..but listen. I'll get these projects done i want to make you all shiny giants, seductress women of Olympus. so that's why I have to do what i have to do. they just don't want us to know that these pills that i've been "poisoning" myself with are letting me see interactions between things AI've never seen. Like my key board for example: its clearly a keyboard. but with my RXfriends the keys fluctuate under various pressures and andgles. imagine a world with full specs keyboard that has gummy buttons. because that is how these feel to me. I keep looking at the trial piece im working on here on my DESKTOP and it will be a portrait of Misha. But now...thanks to this exploration and forging of these two 21st century powerplayers these RX scripts and Adobe's PhotoShop...but now thanlks to combimning prescrpts with computers, I can see my pieces in my work, before i'm even finished
[04:39] ARL1990: they live
[04:40] ARL1990: everything lives. this wall of ants like texts lives just as my fingers type this nonsense
[04:40] ARL1990: everything is connected noah!
[04:41] ARL1990: letters becoming animals on screen, perhaps animals becoming letters on another insomniac's screen. my tongue powers the muscles in my arms
[04:42] ARL1990: but now i have to get to photoshop to try and figur out this new creation. let leash Lichtenstein via misha trux.
[04:44] ARL1990: Noah I fell I'm in dream where i escaped the looney bin, and came home. only know my home is the looney bin. I keep catching nurses trying to test me. BUT THEY DON'T GET IT. BECAUSE THEY AREN'T NURSES. THEY'RE NOT SPIRITS OR GHOSTS OR ANY ONE TRYING TO SCARE US. ITS JUST THE MOUNDS OF TECH THAT SURROUNDS MY DESKTOP STATION.YUP THAT'S WHAT IT IS. THAT AND COUPLED WITH AN OVEREAGER PERIPHERAL VISION
[04:44] ARL1990: i AM ON TO SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT WILL LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD FOR KEYBOARDERS
[04:44] ARL1990: YOU SHOULD TOUCH MY HAIR it feel so course and taught. but not greasy
[04:45] ARL1990: feels like a mans hair
[05:06] ARL1990: everything i drink taste like warm bitter, yet really rewarding. I know I'm not working in a real edit lab.so i know these intimidation men...if they are that, for some of their measurements seem otherworldly. THEY KEEP TRYING TO GET INSIDE MY LIL NEST, WHILE I TRY AND SOLVE THIS PHOTOSHOP MYSTERY. i need to know who is behind these attacks on my work. DO NOT WORRY i say do not worry about what I said bout these otherworldy people getting all in here. That I know for a fact is looney. nothing there.Just me, the author, the editor. Nothing there just a bizzare guy with an overactive imagination. combine that with your new study medications, then it's possible for some very week hallucinations.
[05:09] ARL1990: you're going to read this wall of ant type and you will be blown away by what was writtin by these ant letters. thats how i see them now. just line after line of elitist ants making words so we can all read and write TOGETHER (TO TURN THEM OVER, BUT KEEP IT ON THE DL) mY my shadows are continuation of my fingers more finger tips, more work can be done so quickly. please please please
[05:10] ARL1990: save every single letter i've typed here for this monument to me and my chemically controlled bouts of creativity.
[05:14] ARL1990: BTW I'm not mad at Kayla, or John THey each deserve a piece of my estastes. Kayla can have the spare house. John...he can have the spare trailer. We;ll find a awesome rock star trailer. blacks and purples. I DEEMAND A CAPE AND FURS TO WEAR ALONGSIDE MY GOLDS AND MEDALS. I AM KING OF MY ESTATES, its good to be king. and noah. I know i am intoxicated. but the letters look like theyre having fun being written down, like if they were all in a school, they'd b seeing this sentence structure thinnggy as a sweet ride from boring schoool
OOO Special Surprise at the end of the fable: Called: TEXT: just too her from me and no one else, I just talk bout my iphone:
A (A for Alex): Crises Averted, Iphone looks ike it was made by Fred Flinstone. BUT IN OTHER DRUGGED ARTIST news, my first real photoshopped edit job is almost done :) I'll post it to facebook for the world see it. if i think they will look good. But now, you have sleep. and now my iPhone now feels like I'm poking penguins on their heads
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