Hello Holland

Well tomorrow is my first day on the job @ Haworth. So friggin' nervous. I'm sure it'll be fine. It's been over a year since I've held a legit job, and I've never done anything like what I'll be doing for Haworth. Like a real 9-5 job. That's crazy. But it'll give me a taste of the corporate world. Which will jumpstart my ass into finding work that I'll love and therefore avoid said corporate culture.

Fuck so nervous. I hope I can sleep. I've been doing well the past couple nights. Ironically, the night I posted the previous blog about not being able to have "real" sleep, I was out like a log. It was crazy good. And last night was a good sleep too. Unless they were both the same night, and I'm just mixing them up. I don't know, I can't keep track of days. Even on my medication...

I still like it when Kayla calls me...it makes me feel good. Probably more then it should, but I don't care.

I can see why she's upset that I called John a dog. But I don't regret what I've said. Life is difficult enough as it is, w/ out regretting shit. So I don't. Really hope that doesn't put a wrench in things.

I'm glad I can still talk to Kayla and shit. I really do wanna be her best friend, or what have you. Although, to be honest, the conversations we have on the phone are kinda sketchy, cause she always ends them at weird times. Like last night, she literally ended it mid sentence. Which was a shame, cause I was really intrigued in what she was talking about (Ryan R is looking for a roommate for next fall in Ann Arbor)

But it's getting easier. Like I've fully accepted the fact she's moved on. Which is damned good. She looks happy w/ him. So power to them. I'd toast them if I drank with them.

Tonight was my last night here in Baroda for a while. So I spent it with Misha, Annalise, and Noah, and Elizabeth Driscoll. They're all cool legit people. Like no joke about it. Idk, I feel calm and relaxed when I'm with them. I don't say much, which is no surprise if you know me. Takes me a while to warm up to people and converse and shit with them. But it was really relaxing and cool.

It looks like Kayla is trying to get to Holland come Monday to hang out with her bestie Kayleen. Hope I spelled that right. Anyway, she mentioned something about me hanging with them. Maybe I will. I'll see what it's like hanging out with Kayla now that she's my friend. And now that I'm sober.


I really really hope my parents don't read this blog. Nothing in their behavior or conversations with me have led me to believe this to be the case. But you never know.

I say that because: I really miss pills. It's so hard to not just instinctively grab for a Vicodin or Ambien when I'm in a social setting. But I figure I have to quit, to guarantee my job. And besides, chemically dependencies are for the weak spirited. And me?

I'm one tough motherfucker. I don't need to go crawling to any pills or anything to make me feel good.


I'm just excited to get out of SWMI for the summer. It's a real drag. I'm also pumped for the fall. Going to get my own apartment...or maybe a two bedroom w/ Ryan P. If he still needs a roommate.

I think I won't be coming home next weekend. I'm going to try and grab a train out to Ann Arbor to chill with Neil and them. We'll see. there's a party going down for Ryan's girlfriend. It's her birthday. So that could be fun. If I get a legit invite that is. I don't wanna be "that" guy, that shows up at the party as a friend of a friend. That's weird.

Who knows.

Damn I'm so tired. But hungry. But my stomach is also upset. That's so weird to have an upset and hungry tummy at the same time.


I'm going to bed.