Favorite song

So a few weeks ago, I went out to lunch with Suzy and Noah. And by that I mean I drank water an watched them eat. After lunch at Chan's we went on a walk to the pier. Just the three of us, talking. I really liked it. Anyway, on our walk down the the beach, Suzy and Noah started talking about their favorite songs.

Noah said he loves "tom's diner" that song reminds me of elementary school, riding around with the family in dad's convertable.

That's his favorite song. I miss how close we were then.

But I digress.

Suzy then asked me what my favorite song was. Like my life long favorite, not my current infatuation.

And I was, stunned. I had no clue.

So I've been thinking about it all this time.

I've come up with a small handful of songs. Idk which tho:

"Jenny Says" by Cowboy mouth. This used to be Christine and dad's favorite song, when Christine was really little, dad used to sit her on his lap and sing it with her. Fuck I might be exaggerating tha scenario a bit. But they did sing it together.

It's making me tear up thinking about it. I really do miss how close our family was.

"Chicago" by Sufjan Stevens. It's the most recent song on this list (as of the initial drafting of this post) but I've been listening to it near religiously since October or november. It's bittersweet to listen to it now. Because Kayla put it on a mix cd for me. So everytime I listen to it now. I get sad and nostalgic. But it also reminds me of all my late night drives to and from ann arbor. Those were my favorite. I loved driving at night. Just me and my shitty stereo that would warp my CDs after too many listenings. I miss that feeling of driving somewhere for a happy reunion with a girl I love. Just darkness on top of darkness for hours on end while i drove and sang along horribly to my CDs. It's a happy thought, don't let the syntax fool you :)

"Me-I" Tv On The Radio. I found this song on a free album download from [adult swim]. It was called world wide renewal project and featured indie rap artists and some experimental stuff. But this was my first taste of TVOTR. It's such a calm song. And I never grow tired of it. I can listen to it on repeat for ages. I figure the reason identify with the song so much is that it just reminds me of me. The lead singer sings over and over again "where I can dream and dream and never have to wake up" and that's me. I'm just a damned dreamer. Let's get cliche shall we? I want and strive for so much, but they're all dreams. As much as I don't want to admit it, I have a strong suspicion I won't ever accomplish half the things I dreampt I'll do. But this song makes me happy. It's so optimistic too. Watch the video on YouTube. You can't help but smile.

Or maybe you won't smile. Idk. I'm probably just fucked up.


But that's not new now is it?

I hope this weekend will be fun. Kayla said she actually wants to make time and hang out.

Guilty conscience? Or she just feel safe hanging out with me and her St Joe friends now that her boy is out of town?

There's 10,000 things I want to say and scream, but I'll never let it happen.

I'm going to listen to "bulletproof" by la roux and go to sleep now.









They can't see me weak. It'll only strengthen their sympathy and loathing.